Paint Wars

Oi, it's been a while since I last wrote in here. But something just absolutely funny happened tonight as I was sitting down to enjoy some chocolate-peanut butter ice cream, and I have to share. And given that those who I don't want reading this aren't going to find out about it, I feel safe enough posting this to the general web public.

Anyway, so everyone who knows me knows that we're renting from my parents. That another sob story for another time. Short version, we pay rent in the form of house upkeep, and we can stay under their roof until we can find work and money enough to move out. It's fine for the time being, I'm not gonna complain too much about it. It gives us the power to find work in this troubled time without scrambling to find somewhere for the kids to sleep every night.

Anyhow, my neighbor comes over to talk to my landlord mother. She was all smiles as usual. Very friendly and cordial. But something was amiss; she seemed upset over something, having a slight defensive hunch and was stuttering a bit. I credit my oldest daughter with that last observation; she watched the whole thing unfold too, and caught just about everything I saw.

Come to find out as the two were conversing, my neighbor really hates the new paint job on the exterior of the house. You see, over the last weekend, my parents hired some college students to apply a new coat of paint over the outer walls. Unfortunately, no one told us that the new color was going to be a nice, bright shade of lavender. I liked how my friend Clint described it - his impression of it was like "someone took Tinky-Winky, beat him and pulverized him all over the wall." Trust me, neither my wife or I are liking this new shade...and apparently, so doesn't our neighbor.

She was trying very hard not to be offensive. I've never heard the words "you're the homeowner, it's your call" repeated in so many alternative ways. But she was hinting at the fact that paint could be remixed all the while. She even had written a letter - a full page, unabridged letter - about it. Certainly, Mom did not like this criticism. She even had the gall to call her a type-A personality. I was in disbelief! My mom just up and called a neighbor who loved our family to death a control freak! To her face!

The moment she left, my mom let her face erupt with anger. She was now glaring and growling in a way I have never seen her before. It was like a wild animal took over where she stood. She asked my father in a huff, "So, did you think the paint looked good before she came over?"

The knee-jerk reaction from him: "I thought the color was OK." I know Dad doesn't like the color. He's very evasive about it. He didn't want to get stuck in another house with another femmy color painted on it. The last house they were in, it ended up getting painted a light pink right before the move out. I doubt he wants to get into a row over the color scheme now that money enough has been paid into it.

At this point, I began composing this post, hoping I would be able to share this with my wife silently. But as fate would have it, my mom spilled the beans before I had the chance. She looked over the letter, and eventually it made it's way up to my hands before post time. Some interesting tidbits I gleaned from the letter:

* She outright declares that the new color of our house will lower her property value
* She will require new landscaping to hide the new house color, listing costs and obligations
* She recommmended having the paint remixed yet again
* She states that neighbors "have a duty to respect one another, and the look and feel of the neighborhood."

Sounds like she needs to move to a place with a homeowners association. That's exactly what it sounds like she's trying to establish. I didn't understand why my mom was so angry. I do now. I'm a little ticked myself. I certainly don't like the paint. But I'd like to see it finished now, just to see everyone squirm.

Like she said: they're the homeowners. It's their call.